R.I.P. Mitch

Mitch Hedberg, who I considered to be the funniest man on the planet, has just passed away at the age of 37.

His routine pretty much consisted of mumbling a bunch of one-liners while appearing to have just smoked a lot of weed. It was fantastic.

These quotes are great as sig files on message boards and stuff like that.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. “Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic!” “Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus!” One of those two doesn't sound right.

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut to some skeptical friend. “Don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here!"

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?

I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah, reminds me of when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, “better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like mine.”

I hate flossing; I wish I just had one long curvy tooth.

I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time.

I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.