Blurred Line

Files from the People's Committee Against Sexual Fetishism (PCASF)
Transcript of the People vs. Cavan Terrill

PCASF: Mr. Terrill, are you familiar with the term agalmatophilia?
CT: No, I was terrible at math.
PCASF: Ladies and gentlemen of the committee, I submit for your perusal a photo of Mr. Terrill and an unknown male accomplice participating in a (air quotes) threesome (air quotes) with a statue. In public, no less.

(gasps from audience)
PCASF: Mr. Terrill, are you taking sexual advantage of a helpless statue in this picture?
CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err...
PCASF: Mr. Terrill, I wish to remind you that your silence will be seen as an admission of guilt.
CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err...
PCASF: Very well, let me present my next piece of evidence.
CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err...

PCASF: Perhaps you are more familiar with the term arborphilia?
CT: Absolutely, but I've never really been afraid of going outside. Actually, I prefer to be outside if I can. You see, I really quite enjoy nature--
PCASF: (interrupting) So, you admit to being sexually attracted to trees?
CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err...
PCASF: Is this or is this not a picture of you licking a tree?
CT: I was...ummm...intoxicated.
PCASF: YES! Intoxicated by your overwhelming desire to corrupt our innocent deciduous friends!
CT: It only happened once! Haven't you ever had too much to drink and woken up in a strange forest?!
PCASF: No, Mr. Terrill, and I believe I speak for the fine members of this committee as well. We, you see, are not sexual fetishists.
CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err...
PCASF: I see. Not ready to confess yet? Very well, let us move on to the final piece of evidence. (turning to the crowd) Ladies and gentlemen of the committee, I urge all but the most hardened souls to turn away from this final photograph. It contains a fetish so bizarre, so utterly disturbing that no name had even been created for it yet.
(shocked gasps, a buzz of conversation emanates from the crowd)
PCASF: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you handilumbraphilia!

(shrieking, thuds as people hit the ground after fainting)
PCASF: That's right, Mr. Terrill is an unapologetic fetishist with our most intimate possessions at the center of his filthy desires -- our umbrella handles! Yes, good people, he may indeed have licked YOUR umbrella. It may have been resting in a closet, blissfully unsullied, one moment, and the next forever contaminated by the sexual urges of the man who sits before you today!
CT: (tears running down his face) Yes! I admit it! I have a fetish for all of these things!
PCASF: Aha! You admit to it!
CT: (hysterical) I'm guilty! I'm guilty!
PCASF: (pushing a paper and pen at the accused) Then sign this confession! Admit your guilt to all!
CT: (tears suddenly stopped, cradling and softly stroking pen)
PCASF: (long pause) Mr. Terrill?
CT: (suddenly flushed, staring at pen) Is this a titanium pen?
PCASF: (aside) Could it be true, another titaniupinnaphile?
CT: (looking up with longing)
PCASF: (whispering) Meet me for drinks later?

(Written for Kay's Seven Deadly Sins meme. Today's topic: lust! I'm not actually an agalmatophile. Or an arborphile. Or a handilumbraphile. I tried out titaniupinnaphilia once, but the pen got lodged somewhere and I had to go to the hospital.)


Profile Editor. Writer. 9-5er. Lord of the Dance. Blurredline.com Apodis Publishing Fusion Fragment cterrill(at)blurredline.com Buy Goodbye, Darwin Amazon.com Amazon.ca Chapters.ca Barnes&Noble.com Read it free in PDF Format Buy Blurred Line Amazon.com Amazon.ca Chapters.ca Barnes&Noble.com Read it free in PDF Format The Short Stuff "Learning Magic From Mint" - published May 2007 in Atomjack "Between Eternities" - published October 2005 at Speculative.ca "Smoke and Mirrors" - published June 2005 in Byzarium Submissions Log Total Subs: 25 Acceptances: 3 Rejections: 17 Withdrawals: 3 Subs Out: 2 Quality Blogs Scalzi's Whatever Dave's Blogography Bookslut The Struggling Writer SF Signal the0phrastus Paperback Writer Scribe's Writing Desk Nathan Bransford Lyons Literary LLC The World in the Satin Bag Book In The Oven The Word Perhaps We Learned Something... Words, etc. Archives March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 Et Cetera Cavan @ Last.fm Cavan @ LibraryThing Feeds Atom Feed RSS Feed	Monday, March 02, 2009 - Lust for statues; Lust for trees; Lust for things so disturbing there aren't even Latin root words Files from the People's Committee Against Sexual Fetishism (PCASF) Transcript of the People vs. Cavan Terrill PCASF: Mr. Terrill, are you familiar with the term agalmatophilia? CT: No, I was terrible at math. PCASF: Ladies and gentlemen of the committee, I submit for your perusal a photo of Mr. Terrill and an unknown male accomplice participating in a (air quotes) threesome (air quotes) with a statue. In public, no less. (gasps from audience) PCASF: Mr. Terrill, are you taking sexual advantage of a helpless statue in this picture? CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err... PCASF: Mr. Terrill, I wish to remind you that your silence will be seen as an admission of guilt. CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err... PCASF: Very well, let me present my next piece of evidence. CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err... PCASF: Perhaps you are more familiar with the term arborphilia? CT: Absolutely, but I've never really been afraid of going outside. Actually, I prefer to be outside if I can. You see, I really quite enjoy nature-- PCASF: (interrupting) So, you admit to being sexually attracted to trees? CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err... PCASF: Is this or is this not a picture of you licking a tree? CT: I was...ummm...intoxicated. PCASF: YES! Intoxicated by your overwhelming desire to corrupt our innocent deciduous friends! CT: It only happened once! Haven't you ever had too much to drink and woken up in a strange forest?! PCASF: No, Mr. Terrill, and I believe I speak for the fine members of this committee as well. We, you see, are not sexual fetishists. CT: (shifting uncomfortably) Err... PCASF: I see. Not ready to confess yet? Very well, let us move on to the final piece of evidence. (turning to the crowd) Ladies and gentlemen of the committee, I urge all but the most hardened souls to turn away from this final photograph. It contains a fetish so bizarre, so utterly disturbing that no name had even been created for it yet. (shocked gasps, a buzz of conversation emanates from the crowd) PCASF: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you handilumbraphilia! (shrieking, thuds as people hit the ground after fainting) PCASF: That's right, Mr. Terrill is an unapologetic fetishist with our most intimate possessions at the center of his filthy desires -- our umbrella handles! Yes, good people, he may indeed have licked YOUR umbrella. It may have been resting in a closet, blissfully unsullied, one moment, and the next forever contaminated by the sexual urges of the man who sits before you today! CT: (tears running down his face) Yes! I admit it! I have a fetish for all of these things! PCASF: Aha! You admit to it! CT: (hysterical) I'm guilty! I'm guilty! PCASF: (pushing a paper and pen at the accused) Then sign this confession! Admit your guilt to all! CT: (tears suddenly stopped, cradling and softly stroking pen) PCASF: (long pause) Mr. Terrill? CT: (suddenly flushed, staring at pen) Is this a titanium pen? PCASF: (aside) Could it be true, another titaniupinnaphile? CT: (looking up with longing) PCASF: (whispering) Meet me for drinks later? (Written for Kay's Seven Deadly Sins meme. Today's topic: lust! I'm not actually an agalmatophile. Or an arborphile. Or a handilumbraphile. I tried out titaniupinnaphilia once, but the pen got lodged somewhere and I had to go to the hospital.) Cavan blogged at 7:09 PM \| 2 comments	Progress Zilch! 0/0 Listening A.J. Croce - "Maybe I'm Amazed" My Music Reading Bright Lights, Big City - Jay McInerney My Library Watching Black Book: B Sweet and Lowdown: C Breakfast on Pluto: B Wishlist Bridge of Sighs - Richard Russo Rachael Yamagata - Elephants...Teeth Sinking Into Heart